Heather's Motherhood space

When it comes to dating I used think I set my standards too high.  Then after sizing up the man I was divorcing, I was convinced I had no standards at all.  So now I’m “single” again and I’m not really sure what the acceptable standards are.  A hot younger guy seems fun, but I don’t need to feel any older.   My friends keep wanting to fix me up with single Dads, but I can’t handle my own kids let alone someone else’s.  So where does that leave me?  On the corner of Loser Lane and Dateless Drive?  I guess I could always make a right turn and find a new avenue.  That was positive, wasn’t it?  Oh, give me a break.  You try to be me.       

I don’t think there is a more uncomfortable moment than sitting in a school auditorium watching your kids in a play with your ex husband…and his new wife.  How am I supposed to concentrate on my child and still look the paralegal whore up and down out the corner of my eye?  It’s unfair; I’ve never been able to multi task.  Add to the awkwardness the fact that all the other parents are looking out the corners of their eyes to see how I’m reacting to Miss Thang!  I’m so glad I actually took the extra time to wash and blow dry my hair before the play.  I looked hot!  I hope I didn’t damage my eyes; they keep twitching to the left side.

Yesterday, I’m walking my kids into school, and as I passed a group of Moms one of them says, “Heather, great top.”  Which was weird because it was just a white t-shirt.  But I guess, compared to my normal baggy sweats ensemble, I looked dressed up.  And the only reason I wasn’t wearing the sweats is because I didn’t have time to wash them.  Come to think of it, the hot new gym teacher said hi to me, too.  I may have stumbled on something here… like taking five minutes to look in the mirror occasionally wouldn’t be such a bad idea.  Maybe my broken home status isn’t tattooed on my forehead.

On the home front, my garbage disposal won’t work, which is timed nicely to coincide with my leaky faucet.  Holy crap, my home is broken!  Guess you can’t fool your appliances.

The kids are going to their dad's this weekend.  Time for a hot date and some foolin' around. Right.  So far my plans include renting "Terms of Endearment" and going to the market to get some Cherry Garcia.  I am totally lame.  But that's heaven compared to late Sunday night.  That's when the kids present the "dad's new wife report"  which includes a list of all the presents she gave them, and a description of all the crap she let them eat. 

Is it just me, or is that bag boy at the market really cute?  I think his face is finally clearing up.  Maybe I'll let him help me to the car next time.